What is Buddhism? Part 1

That is a loaded question that could be answered in infinitely endless ways. In short, Buddhism is the quest to achieve buddhahood (or become a bodhisattva in the Mahayana school). What is buddhahood? The term buddha, means to awaken. Therefore, buddhahood is the state of being awakened; or enlightenment. Now, you're surely wondering, then why is there a being that is called the Buddha?

The Buddha is the founder of Buddhism. His real name was Siddhartha Guatama. Siddhartha was born a prince whose surviving father sheltered him from the real world and any suffering it brought. He was showered with praise, love, lavish things; yet he was unhappy. One day, Siddhartha left the confines of the castle walls and saw suffering people and became deeply disturbed, now knowing that these truths are inevitable for all sentient beings.  Eventually, Siddhartha left his wife and newborn son in a quest to find an end to suffering.

He first turned to asceticism, torturing his body night and day, but also meditating. After nearly starving to death, Siddhartha realized that causing his own suffering was not going to end his inevitable suffering. He did, however, recognize the true bliss brought upon him by deep meditation. Upon this realization, Siddhartha left the practice of asceticism to pursue a deeper course of meditation. He sat beneath a tree, accepted some rice pudding from a generous woman, and began to meditate. He stayed where he was in meditation for some six years before he reached enlightenment.

Siddhartha had become the Buddha, the awakened one. He spent the rest of his days teaching this very practice. Why does this matter? Because the ways of living life that the Buddha discovered are magical. Not magical in a literal sense. Magical in that they truly can and are able to end suffering. The Buddha discovered that the manipulation of ones own mind is the road to true enlightenment. This magic is different from the traditional illusionary sense of the word. This magic is actually reinforced with science, with proof. The Buddha always asserted, "Do not believe these principles merely because I teach them, try them and see yourselves." For these ways of living life straddle not on the premise of faith, but on the premise of knowledge, experience, wisdom.

Learning from Mistakes

I have made mistakes in the past. Do I get mad at myself for making them? Yes. But I am thankful at the same time. I read in a textbook in my leadership class that mistakes should be looked at positively. We can learn a tremendous amount from our mistakes. In my case, this is clear as day. For if I hadn’t gotten my last OWI, I wouldn’t have taken the steps I needed to understand what my true problem was.

After reading The Power of Self-Esteem by Nathanial Branden, I started understanding the deeper issues I was experiencing. After a few months of meditation on his concepts and incorporating the principles of Buddhism, I started to really put things together. I realized that it starts as a child. It starts with uncertainty when parents inadvertently confuse us as to the right and wrong things to say and do. I realized that with alcoholism in my family and seeing adults take anti-anxiety and anti-depression pills, that I only knew how to drown out problems with mood-altering chemicals. From early on, I started using such things to topically ease my worries – worries and problems that many children don’t have. This is the only way I knew to “solve” my problems, even if only temporary.

To add to my fragile self-esteem, I started dating a boy when I was only a freshmen in high school, a very fragile age.  He knew how to say just the right things to make me feel worthless. My jokes were not funny, I was stupid, I made bad decisions, all I ever did was complain. But he had sex with me. He made me feel “wanted.” We always fought, tooth and nail. But I was convinced that I was ugly and worthless and, as I told my friends and family, I didn’t think I could get any better. When we had the worst fights, the ones where he hit me and choked me and locked me out of my house, he, quite easily, convinced me that calling the cops would do nothing for me. It was his house, as he often reminded me even though I lived there with him, and the cops would do nothing about it.  I sought attention from other men, and it made me feel better if only for a few days, but I still was too scared to leave. When I became pregnant, I felt that I was now stuck there forever.

However, eventually I was convinced by people who actually loved me that I was worth something. I could make it on my own. I could find someone who loved me and treated me with respect. What was respect? I didn’t know. I had grown up without it and without knowledge of it. Finally, one day, I broke free. I took my son and a few belongings and fled.

I now had broken the daily one-on-one abuse that I experienced in person, even if I still got hateful text messages. This is when I started learning that I was a better person than I thought. However, I had not yet discovered Buddhism or read about the healing powers of the mind. This would not happen until after I was caught again for drinking and driving. I lost my license for a year. I was treated as an imbecile. I was one. But I was about to do something about it.

I discovered Buddhism. I started reading anything I could get my hands on. I stopped drinking so much. What did I learn, though? Well, I learned that I had no idea how to handle stress or personal problems. All I knew was to drink or take the anti-anxiety pills that my doctor prescribed so effortlessly after a five-minute conversation. From Buddhism, I learned that I had an awful lot of bad karma. I needed to start producing only good karma, and I had to endure the suffering I caused myself from the bad karma. I learned that I need to have compassion for every living being, even my enemies in order to end the cycle of hate that we are all in at one point or another. I learned that we often cannot control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to it. We can decide to be in a good mood or a bad mood. We have the right to get angry or upset, but those with true self-esteem do not let that define their lives.

After putting these concepts into practice, I can truly say that I am a genuinely happy person. Consequently, I never feel the urge to indulge in alcohol. I now love myself, and I know that I have to make the right decisions to have a worthwhile self-esteem. I have changed completely. I have changed for the better.

The Fat Man

So there I was. I now had no God. I was prepared to tell anyone who made the assumption that I did. I was hanging on to one major branch of thought: I am still capable of being a good person. I did not need the fear of God to scare me into being mindful and right. I did not need to cling on to a hope of heaven or the punishment of hell to keep me in line. Regardless of my spiritual beliefs, I still had morals. For morals do not stem only from religion. They grow from cultures, societies, families, friends, and from consequences from our very own actions.

Still I felt disconnected. I was no longer a part of something. I was no longer a part of the group of loving people who accepted me and loved me. After growing up with the notion that I must devote my life to something other than myself, I began my search.  I had no idea what I was looking for in form. All I knew was that I was searching for something to belong to. After all, who wants to be called agnostic or atheist? Some in ignorance even proclaim these labels signify the worship of the devil. Of course I don't believe in the devil either.

My search revolved around a disbelief in any higher being. I am not revolting against Christ in particular. I am merely too grounded by the justification of reality to think that there is a higher power in charge of my life. I am in charge of my life. But I do think it is important to keep Christianity alive and well. There are over two billion Christians in this world. Traditions have formed around our religions. Humans cling to hope and it keeps them well and happy. Therefore we need religion, and I resolve to never attempt to disprove or refute the concept of anyone's religion.

In my quest for affiliation, I came across Buddhism. But that couldn't be it. Buddhism is the Eastern religion of rubbing the belly of a little fat man right? As a matter of fact, most schools of Buddhism do not believe in gods. The main point of Buddhism is to teach us to be in control of our own actions. In fact, Buddhism is not a religion. Buddhism is a system of education, here to teach us the path to enlightenment. Buddhism can be adopted by every person in this world. You can still be a devout Christian and practice the concepts of Buddhism. Further posts will explain the concept of Buddhism and also explore the reality of ignorance regarding its real meaning.

The Beginning

My very first post shall serve as an introduction. Content will be added slowly to this blog for my life is full and these posts will be scholarly. The reason I am starting this blog is, importantly, to inform myself. I have not faced much in the name of discrimination in my life. I was raised as a Christian. However, as I got older, my doubts began to swell. By the time I hit college, any belief I once had in a powerful being had dissipated into a vast emptiness. I was deeply ashamed by my inability to embrace the belief of God and the writings of his disciples. All I had been taught about creation and existence was completely detached from my soul. But instead of embodying this new thought process, I repressed it. I was embarrassed that I was disobeying the rules I had been taught, embarrassed that I couldn't just listen to what they were saying, embarrassed that I was different. Different from all the others in my community, most others in this geographic region.

As time went on, my dilemma worsened. Now I was pregnant. I was to bring forth new life onto this planet, and I didn't even know how I got here and why I was here. I didn't know what to believe, and worst of all, I was hiding it. Something had to be done. I began attending church. Surely Pastor Chris, with his eloquent sermons, could somehow re-convince me that God does exist. Every Sunday, without avail, I attended the service. I sang for the congregation, listened intently to the Pastor's words, contemplated the lessons. When my beautiful son was born, I brought him to church every Sunday. I baptized him, not even knowing why.

But deep down, I didn't care why. Because deep down, I still didn't believe. I was incapable of believing, and I was dismayed.  Now what? First thing was first. I had to take a step. I had to push past the boundary of fear, walk through the steaming cloud of uncertainty into the darkness of the unknown. And slowly, I started to embrace my new belief. My first step was within myself. I had to delve into my own mind and understand what I really believed. Finally, I was ready to come out.

Come out? Yes. Come out and face the ugly reality that many people will suddenly disapprove of me. But one thing was for sure. I refused to continue to live a lie. In order to be true with myself and to be true with others, I could not go on acting like I was a Christian. One by one, I started telling people. Breaking the news like I had just killed someone. Gritting my teeth and expecting the blow. Most of the time, I got what I expected. "Veronica! Shame on you!" "What? Well how do you explain how we got here then?"  I got arguments that did not come close to budging my thoughts. I listened. I listened intently. If their arguments were to persuade me, I would not fight back. In fact, I would embrace my new belief, for I would no longer be an outcast in society.

An outcast. When you live in a small, rural area, you are not exposed to much.  Not just religions, but ethnicities and sexualities as well. In the town in which I grew up, there were only a few of other races and no homosexuals. I was always outraged by those who choose to be racist and homophobic - I still am. But that is a different subject. The point is, in the rural Midwest, if you are not the same, you are wrong. Thus the creation of this blog. I want to study the meaning behind this so that I can accept it. I cannot change that I will be discriminated against, but I can change how I feel about it.

Buddhism came into play later in my journey. Never have I been as happy as I am now, studying the principles of Buddhism. But what is Buddhism? Do you worship a statue of a little fat guy? This misconception along with many others is probably the basis of the intolerance of Buddhism in the rural Midwest. And thus begins my study of the issue.